Liosuelo

I’ve felt happy for the last few weeks, a nice departure from my typical emotional landscape. 

To my core, I feel happy. I don’t use the word much because it’s fleeting and temporary. But it’s rooted deep. 

I am happy with taking time from being employed. I feel satisfied with living in London; I love my cozy apartment, and my neighborhood is reminiscent of my hometown but without all the baggage. I have been jogging consistently, which has built my confidence in my body. I also feel in tune with my food and excited about making recipes again.

I’ve been leaning into “non-productivity.” Yes, I did not stutter! 

At the beginning of last month, I created a massive vision board with three projects I wanted to focus on for the next month (which was narrowed down to 6 projects). Then, one week into executing all my tasks, I realized I was tired of trying to be successful. I was tired of creating goals. I just wanted to be. 

So I removed all the goals but one, “writing my Camino book.” Even that is starting to feel like overexertion. But, it could be the fear of editing that gets me overwhelmed. 

I still need to sort that out. But I’ve just accepted that doing nothing is okay right now. If anything, it’s a privilege. 

Doing nothing still means going for walks and exploring new areas of London; I still read daily, post to social media when inspired, write poetry when motivated, go to the gym three days a week, and cook nutritious meals for myself and my partner.

So it’s not so much doing nothing. Instead, I’ve slowed down my pace in chasing goals and found joy in living life within a simple daily routine. Accepting my accomplishments for the day are simple acts like getting out of bed, making the bed, and washing dishes.

I do not need to be extraordinary every day. I can be ordinary—just a human doing her best every day. 

I accept that I am doing well and acknowledge that I’ve accomplished so much. My mental health is stable, and that is a huge fight (daily). And right now, I am ahead of the curve. 

There will undoubtedly be tough times ahead, and my remedy for anxiety is over-productivity, but each day of being at peace with doing less is a win! 

So cheers to me!