In my previous post, I mentioned old injuries from emotional baggage. I wanted to dive into that further. About seven years ago, I discovered Louis Hay while completing my yoga teacher training in Brooklyn. She has passed but was an incredible leader in the field of metaphysics. The notion that physical ailments are all tied to mental and emotional distress is not new. However, the first time I heard about this was from Louis Hay.
I started studying affirmation and power thoughts heavily. Every day for a few years, after I looked at a documentary on her, I listened to a 30-minute video on YouTube called “Positive Power Thoughts and Affirmation for the Morning Routine,” which I listened to every morning. It was a life raft for me.
Every physical issue I had was tied to an emotional block and toxic mindset I had. It was always accurate. My chronic and acute physical issues I could link to an affirmation that I would say daily. I use affirmations now, not as consistently, but when I have a random injury come up, I always go to my association list that tells me the metaphysical reason behind my ailment.
On Friday, March 22nd, I was SO stressed thinking about my future, feeling stuck in Mexico, resentful of spiritual powers, fearful about money, angry at being unable to fulfill my destiny, etc.… All I did that day was sit at my computer, obsessively and manically look up sublet situations in London. Suddenly, I feel a shocking, lightning bolt of pain dagger through my left shoulder blade and radiate through my entire upper back.
I was paralyzed in pain; I hobbled to my bed and waited for my boyfriend to get back to help me find some relief.
After trying to do a few more stretches and massages from my partner, I concluded that I had blown my back out. My Friday evening was spent in physical anguish and completely angry at the universe. Nothing I think could comfort me, not the Tylenol or heating pad.
It was so bad that breathing deeply hurt.
I felt so much rage, and it was like my back was manifested in what I felt emotionally.
My bf reminded me that I should figure out the metaphysical correlation. I begrudgingly told him I was not in the mood for affirmation bulls**t and dismissed his recommendation. I instead went to bed, measurable and sorry for myself.
My partner is never one to let me wallow in self-pity, and I woke up to texts from him explaining the metaphysical explanation of my back pain. Of course, it was unsurprisingly accurate.
They all resonated. I feel unsupported, fear, grief, hurt, and mostly resentment for life itself.
::ugh::
I am not one to know better and not do better. So, I limped to my yoga mat, stretched my back for 30 minutes, and said the following affirmation to myself: “I know that Life always supports and loves me.”
I didn’t mean it the first dozen times I said it. You rarely do when saying affirmations in a bad, foul mood and mindset. But slowly, I recited the words. I left my stretching practice feeling better, mind and body than when I entered. My back is still in pain, but it feels much better. It’s kind of like my heart right now. I still feel scared about the future and worried and anxious, but I feel better, less apocalyptic, less fatalistic. I know everything is integrated, and it’s a good reminder not to let my stress get out of hand or my thoughts too negative – because it will reflect in some way; this time, my poor back got the short end of the stick.
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