Liosuelo

Where It Started: My Early Relationship With the Internet

This is it! This is the moment, where I acknowledgment my previous addiction to the internet. Precisely, an addiction to the overconsumption of information, social media, entertainment, etc. I also want to mark my journey: of healing and overcoming this addiction to something that has shaped my life for nearly a decade. This all came to a dramatic crescendo in June 2025 and I have only recently been able to put it into words.

My awakening was triggered by an extreme eye strain injury that forced me to reevaluate my relationship with the internet. At first, the shift was purely physical. I had to change my habits to protect my eyes and prevent further damage. But over time, it became something much deeper. I feel more aligned with myself now, more grounded, and my mental health has improved in a way I didn’t expect.

To understand this, I have to start from the beginning. My relationship with the internet was not always negative. I first connected with computers and the internet around the age of 10. Some of my earliest memories involve looking up information about the Titanic. There was a website where I would study artifacts recovered from the wreckage. In my mind, the site was gray and blue, with simple, almost clinical text. What drew me in was the desire to learn. The images transported me to a time and place I could never experience otherwise, and that felt deeply fulfilling.

I also remember spending time on websites about deep-sea explorers. There was one man, a diver, who kept a blog documenting his expeditions. He would post photos from his journeys, and I was completely captivated by the mystery of the ocean and the strange, almost alien creatures that lived there. It was both educational and immersive. I stopped reading encyclopedias for fun and instead spent hours exploring web pages about unusual animals, isolated communities, and anything that felt strange or unfamiliar.

At the same time, my love of reading and writing was growing. I was a voracious reader. I joined book clubs, ordered stacks of books from Scholastic book fairs, and constantly sought out new material. While my sister watched television, I would sit on the floor nearby reading encyclopedias or flipping through my Guinness World Records collections. My connection to the internet grew out of that same instinct. It was another way to learn, to explore, to gather information about anything and everything. I wanted to understand the world beyond my immediate environment in New York City. The internet gave me that access.

My home encouraged curiosity. There was always something playing or being explored. My mom would be in the kitchen cooking with the TV on in the background. My dad would be in his room watching National Geographic or the Discovery Channel. And I would be in my room, on the computer, searching for whatever had caught my attention that day. I remember doing simple searches based on things I noticed in my environment, just following threads of curiosity.

I was also drawn to photography. One of my favorite possessions as a child was a small Polaroid camera. I remember taking photos on a family trip to Disney World, trying to capture moments in a way that felt meaningful to me. The internet expanded that interest. In high school, I became obsessed with a website called Digital Journalists. I read it constantly. I was fascinated by the idea of traveling to distant places, documenting real lives, and telling stories that mattered. I looked at images from war-torn countries, cultural practices, and communities I had never encountered before. That exposure shaped something in me. I started to imagine a future as a photojournalist or documentarian. I didn’t pursue that path, choosing medicine instead, which I still question.

Looking back, I can see that I always had a strong pull toward exploration. The internet became an extension of that. I’ve always been drawn to the unusual, the taboo, the unfamiliar. As a child, I was obsessed with my Guinness World Records books. The internet felt like an endless version of that, where I could discover something new with a single click.

Over time, though, my focus began to shift. What started as curiosity about the world slowly turned into curiosity about other people’s lives. With the rise of blogging, I became more interested in observing others. It felt like an easy way to connect, to understand, without having to participate.

In Part 2, I explore how my love of reading, my desire for information, and my need for connection started to merge. And how, over time, that combination turned into something much harder to control.